Girls should come with a carfax report
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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