3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
