I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
