A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
