Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
