I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
