k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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