can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
