You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
