Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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