Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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