So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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