Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
