Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
handjob tips. give me some.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
