Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
