Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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