I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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