what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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