one might say we're banned from that church
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
