Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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