Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
