I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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