A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
