Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
