To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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