how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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