i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
