At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
