i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
