You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
