My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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