There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
