Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
