make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
