Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
