I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
