could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
