Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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