But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
