Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Randomize
