some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
