Will you blow on my dice?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All the doctor said was why
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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