My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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