hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
