Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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