we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
