I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
