I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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