In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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