i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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