Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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