Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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