you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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