Need sex. Gaining weight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
