I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
